Celebration of chaos

"I had believed
That if I was (sic) to become a pearl, I would no longer be messy." ~ Catja Wilson from We'Moon 2022

Just a little more effort, they taught us, would surely provide better results. A little more cleanliness would improve any space, and what’s more would reflect an eradication of the the inner cobwebs as well. Less clutter would create more peace.

Truth be told, over and over, I found these accepted adages just haven’t worked that way in action. At least not in my life. I find that the gift of just a little bit of chaos offers unexpected joy and the spice of life. The arrival of some chaos inspires genius and opportunity. In the disruption to status quo blessings of the unknown and untrodden arrive and carve paths into the everyday. In the wake of chaos, light and lightheartedness can sneak in through the doorway of surprise to the rooms of our hearts.

Earlier, in the Spring, in great enthusiasm, I planted an over-abundance of winter squash. I was using old seed and unsure of the viability of these seeds in my hand. Therefore, I cast hundreds of seeds. And as the loving faeries would have it, all of the seeds grew strong and fast. Blessed abundance! So many plants growing in a tiny space! My goodness. I gave away squash seedlings to nearly everyone as often as I could.

Still, I could not give them all away, and I left more seedlings than is "advised” in the allotted plots.

So, I cooed over them; I invited them to "do your best and make elbow room for yourselves to become robust plants." And now, to my delight (and surprise), they all obliged.

Despite my fears of failure, they grow strong and abundant. They offer me a reminder and hope for abundance in the midst of the interweavings of tangled vines.
Now, mind you the butternut is reaching over into the path toward the yurt; the delicata is where I thought the butternut would flourish; the zucchinis are overrun with buttercup. I don't mind. I applaud their resilience and belief in themselves. I applaud their determination and thirst for life. I applaud their art.

Perversely, despite knowing these gifts, with the arrival of August, I find myself with a desire to tidy, organize, clear out, exhume, and compost. I find myself attempting to carve tidy beds of order out of the increasing sense of overwhelm. I feel the urge to attempt to tame all these wild imperfections in my world. oh my….

I find myself craving to contain this untameable wildness even though I Know that a little bit of chaos has and will continue to allow for the creative solutions to peek through. Remembering all this, I slow my enthusiasm to purge and scour. I pause to reflect, how much of this activity is cleaning? And how much is an attempt to clear out perception of my own imperfections, my own inner untidiness, and my wild?
I wonder will the process be worth it if I miss the tiny pearls? The pearls of self-sown St John's wort, cleome, borage and insight. These are precious gems indeed.

Out of the disruption to my garden plans, came twists and turns that resolved itself into a surprise in abundance.' (I give a nod and offer gratitude to the patron saint of chaotic abundance. She has worked wonders here.)

Life with sparkling light and dark tunnels, has pulled me into unknown eddies, then rewarded me with the unexpected pools of delight, rainbows and sunsets. My fears turned into adventures.
And we all have had storms that have not felt so fun in their process. Yet, eventually, we discover they blow in new seeds for thought, new seeds for growth, and new opportunities for the persons we can become.

So, in this moment, I welcome the storm of the surprises and the unplanned. I welcome the winds to stir up the dust and clean the the cobwebs from my mind and heart, and the cobweb trails that would leave me blind. I welcome the twists and turns that bring in the strange and ne'er before seen bird of paradise, I welcome those that bring the rain and can clean the channels of love in my heart, washing the mirror clear. And I smile, knowing that "sooner or later the sand will get in" to this shell of mine and it will works its miracle. What may have been once perceived as a mistake offers me the gift of life.

I will be wildly imperfect ~ the one chasing the sunset across the sky, the night sprite splashing noisily in the evening tides, Awakening the currents of our hearts. I will be the messy sand that lands in your shell. Smiling at the pearls we will become.

I have started a muse on the Venus Muse page of what might be the energies of this August and the influx of energies from the stars. If interested, here is the link https://inlightofthetrees.com/venus-muse/

2 thoughts on “Celebration of chaos

  1. Catherine, I particularly love that you open to yourself here, let us in a bit to your ecstatic interior--the wild, untamed, wholly original part of you, who yearns to proclaim that wildness, to share it through writing. Thank you.

    1. Catherine Audette

      Post author

      Dear Pam, Thank you for that beautiful insight. So true, all that you wrote. To express it, as you know is essential to the soul. Thank you


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